Son your mother and I were so proud of you today watching you and your beautiful bride, Briana walk down the aisle to exchange wedding vows. Your love for each other radiated throughout the whole service, I don't think there was a dry eye in the place. The two of you make a fine couple; I know you'll make each other happy. Son I wrote you this letter this morning, even thou we've had many talks before. Every now and then when time permits take this letter out and review. I hope these words will be a blessing to you and your new wife Briana. Trust \Communication
First of all son trust and communication go hand in hand, and without them you have nothing. Always be honest with your wife, she has to know that you won’t hold anything from her no matter how difficult it might be to discuss. An honest man will always have the love, admiration, and confidence of his wife; it eliminates suspicion, fear and jealousy, it promotes an unwavering bond of trust between the too of you. Trust is the foundation for which relationships will rise or fall; there are a lot of things you cant control; aging, taxes or the weather, but you can control the words that come out of your mouth. Your wife must never feel she has to second-guess or
read through mixed signals and signs. You have to establish yourself as a man of integrity. Communication takes patience on both parts of the relationship. Some things are more complicated than others, and may require a little more time to work through them. One of the biggest mistake people make is being impatient, which so many misunderstandings could be avoided if they'd just take the time to listen and try to understand what the other person is saying.
Support and Respect
Be a constant source of support, your wife should never have to question if her husband is supporting her or not. Support requires honesty, and she may want you to back her, but she needs your most honest poignant opinion more than anything else. Your wife will always appreciate realistic advice and constructive criticism. Never say things to make her feel good, make her feel good about the things you’re saying. Be honest!
Besides trust, communication, and support as important as these three things are, you have to have endurance. Sometimes relationships can get rough, and life can present all kinds of challenges and difficulties. But if the two of you are willing to keep working at it, and be patient with one another things will always work out fine. Dont quit; just remember some things are worth suffering over and sometimes you have to endure suffering in order to overcome adversity.
Never fail to tell her that you love her. It is amazing how much those words mean to someone you love. Know everything there is to know about her, everything from her favorite dessert to the size of her shoe. Know her strengths, her weaknesses and always pay close attention to her as an individual. There’s going
to be times when she needs you to put your arms around her, and other times when she just needs some space to work things out on her own. Either way you’ll know when to stay close and when to back off.
God Gifts to Men and Women
Sex is one of the greatest gifts God gave to a man and woman. It is a pleasurable act between a husband and wife. It is an expression of love, intimacy, and perfect harmony. God in his infinite wisdom reserved sex for the bonds of marriage. Son, this is one area of your life that you want to be proficient in. Now having said that, think of it as a dance anyone can dance, anyone can get on the dance floor and jump around, but its so much better with rhythm and Synchronization.
Sex Ladies First
Now son I know we had this talk before, and I am not trying to tell you how to handle your business. I just want to give you a few pointers to get you going in the right direction. First of all son always remember this expression Ladies First. If this were a race, believe me this is the one time you don’t want to get to the finish line first, and you definitely don't want to get there alone. A tie or second place is what a man should want and what a woman would appreciate.
Sex Education and You
Remember son take your time. You have all of your lives to explore each other and to learn what works for the two of you. Sex is something the two of you can tailor around your needs and desires. Never allow the passion to die out. Educate yourself on female anatomy, learn different four play techniques, never underestimate the power of a gentle touch, and most importantly be observant, learn to read her moods and respond appropriately.
Son your health is everything. Do everything you can to keep your mind and body in excellent condition. Exercise daily and keep your mind sharp. There are plenty of health magazines, nutrition and dietary publications to keep you informed and fit.
She Needs to Feel Secure
Son your wife must always feel safe and secure based the on confidence you have instilled in her. Your actions can make or break her faith in you, so never take your responsibilities as the head of the household for granted. You must strive to earn your wife's confidence and trust by making sound decisions and exercising good judgment. Protect your wife at all costs, and never let anyone disrespect her. Your defense of your wife is a direct reflection of how you much you love and care about her.
Be Sensitive To Her Needs
Being sensitive and tentative to her needs requires your full and undivided attention. You have both devoted your lives to each others happiness; therefore she comes before friends, family, work and anything in between. Your wife is your first priority
Don't Be Afraid to Listen to Her
Never allow foolish pride to get in the way of hearing your wife. The bible says, He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Never underestimate the power of a woman's intuition and intelligence, respect and listen to her wisdom. There will be times when she’ll be able to see things that you may not, or to come up with a solution you cant find. She’s not trying to dominate you or be your competition; she is your partner working with you to reach the same goals.
Son I don't care how bad it gets the two of you must have a firm agreement to never fight in public. Your business is your business, and should never be put on public display for all the world to see. Once it is out there you can never take it back, and people have a way of never letting you forget it. Also there is a scripture in the bible that says Let not the sun go down on your wrath. Try to work things out as quickly as possible and never allow disputes, disagreements and anything else that disrupts your household to linger for long. Try to work it out as quickly as possible.
Have Goals Have A Vision
Always have goals and plans. Never stop striving and reaching, but most importantly plan things together. When the two of you are striving and reaching for the same things it makes life so much easier and success will be that much sweeter.
Be Her Best Friend
Your wife will have many different friendships throughout your lifetime, but none should ever be closer than yours. You have to be that listening ear, and that shoulder to cry on. When she is troubled, your name should be the first on her mind to go to. You can only accomplish this by being her best friend. Have Fun and Enjoy Life
Make her laugh, surprise her, thrill her, keep her mind stimulated and engage her. Let her know how much she means to you. Plan trips and vacations and never let the fun end.
Finally My Son A Family that Prays Together Stays Together
Keep your hand in Gods hand. There is a scripture in the Bible that says Trust in the Lord with all thine your heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. God Instituted and ordained marriage, so it is pleasing in his sight. Walk with confidence in his wisdom. Until I see you again son, may the Lord bless you and keep you both. May He make his face to shine upon the two of you. May He keep you in his care. I pray his love and kindness will follow you all the days of your lives, and pray these words find you well.
Love always, Dad P.S. Don't forget to have daily prayer and lead by example. You are the priest of your home.
My fiance and I have been dating for more than two years and everything was going well. He was kind and considerate, had a great sense of humor, thoughtful and a perfect gentleman. When he proposed to me, we were in a crowded restaurant sitting by a huge picture window with a beautiful view of the Bay. I was looking over the menu when six well-dressed men approached our table, as I looked up the first one began singing There's a ribbon in the sky for our love. You know the one by Stevie Wonder. The other five backed him up with the most romantic harmony I had ever heard. Now while I was still paying attention to this wonderful group of singers, my fiance gently took my hand and placed a beautiful diamond ring on my finger. Now I'm not a materialistic person, but even I could see that thing had to be more then three carrots. If I had to use one word to describe it, it would be stunning! By this time the whole restaurant had gone silent and all eyes were focused on us. My fiance, at that time boyfriend, stood up and gave a gentle nod to the lead singer as if to say I’ll take it from here. Then he began to sing with a voice like Berry white. I had never heard him sing before. His voice sent shivers all up and down my back, and I began to tremble uncontrollably. When they stopped singing he simply got down on one knee, held my hand, and said these words: Will you marry me?
A lady about three tables away screamed, as if she was the one being proposed to, Yes! Then another woman yelled out from across the room If she won’t I will! which brought the whole restaurant to laughter, but it quickly died down and not one word was being spoken, even the waiters and waitresses seemed to be waiting with great anticipation for my answer. As my fiance stood there peering into my eyes waiting for my answer. I was so overwhelmed by all that was happening, I kept trying to say yes but nothing would come out. I felt like I couldn’t move, but I put both arms around him placed my mouth on his ear and whispered the word yes, though it seemed like the whole restaurant heard it, and the applause went on for two to three minutes nonstop. That was one of the happiest days of my life. We soon planned to be wed about a year from the time he proposed, which gave me plenty of time to plan our wedding. My girlfriends and I were consumed and excited planning this event; you know how girls get over these things. We were like little kids in a candy shop. Everything was going pretty good between me and my fiance. Our relationship seemed to be growing stronger and stronger by the day. He was just as excited as I was. One shocking moment One day we had an appointment to look at wedding cakes. I was to pick him up around 2:30; at least that’s what I thought I told him. When I arrived at his place I rang the doorbell several times, but there was no answer. I could hear music coming from the garage, so I walked to the side door, which was slightly open. I looked inside and the sight nearly paralyzed me. There was my fiance, lying on a couch sweating profusely with a belt tightened around his arm. The belt was between his shoulder and elbow with a syringe hanging from his arm. He appeared to be dazed and lifeless except for the gurgled moaning sound he was making. You would have thought he was dead. He didn’t notice me at the door as I stood there in shock. My knowledge of drugs was next to none, and the extent of my
experience was seeing other kids when I was in high school smoking marijuana and I avoided them like the plague. The only thing I could do at that moment was run to my car. I jumped in and went to start the car and burst into tears. It was as if the whole world just crashed in on me. I was angry thinking how could he do this to me. A million questions ran through my head. What was I going to do? How can I fix this? How long has he been doing this? How come I didn’t see this? There had to be something that would have tipped me off, any signs or distractions. I got myself together, went home about three hours later my phone rang. I knew it was him. The way the phone rang was as if that sound belonged to him. The answering machine picked up and I heard his voice saying, Where are you? We don’t want to be late picking out a cake for the happiest day of our lives, he said. Once again I burst into tears feeling nauseated with my emotions running out of control. It was like a roller coaster ride. I kept saying to myself its not so bad we can work through this, and then I would think about the man that I trusted and loved had been hiding a terrible secret from me. I didn’t know how to approach this. I didn't want to approach this. The phone kept ringing and I knew eventually I would have to address this issue somehow, but right now was not the best time for me to express what I was feeling. Sometime later on that evening there was a knock at the door. I looked through the peephole, and it was my fiance, but I didn’t open the door. Instead, I yelled out I’m not feeling well you need to cancel our appointment and I’ll call you in a few days. You can tell there was quite a bit of concern in his voice when he asked Why aren’t you opening the door? Is everything okay? I saw you in the garage today, were the first words that came out of my mouth. Go away! I yelled. Just give me a few days, I said still staring through the peephole. His facial expression changed to that of a very solemn look as he turned and walked away slowly. Over the next few days all I could do was cry, and think did I really want to take a chance on a guy I could have married, only to find out later about this secret he'd been hiding from me.
For some strange reason I felt guilt, and accused myself of being to nave. I felt somewhere along the line I should have seen this. There should have been some signs that would have pointed this out to me. After getting over the initial shock, I thought to myself if you go through with this marriage, you could be committing yourself to a life of uncertainty, mistrusts and possible financial ruin, not to mention what diseases I could contract through the use of those syringes. The fact that he was able to hide this from me so well made me wonder how well I really knew him. My heart says of course you love him, and I want to be with him. When I’m with him I feel safe and secure in his arms. I enjoy his company when we talk all night and it still feels like there’s not enough time to finish our conversations. I began to question myself about this whole situation. I know somewhere in the wedding vowels they say for better or worse, but do I want to enter this union knowing there's a big possibility it will start off with the worse. The mere fact that he is being dishonest makes me wonder if this would be a healthy marriage. But aren’t we supposed to help each other in the time of need? I mean if I’m not willing to help him now, what kind of support system I would have been after we are married? I kept going back and forth over my concerns, but at this point I didn’t want any of his input because I didn’t want to be swayed or influenced by him one way or the other. I wanted to make up my own mind in what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. After much thought I called my fiance and asked him to meet me for lunch because there was something I needed to say to him. We met in a nice little quiet restaurant and when we sat down he immediately tried to apologize for what I saw. I stopped him in mid-sentence, looked at him in the eyes and said I’ve been tossing and turning through sleepless nights debating over my love for you and the position I now find myself in. Do I get a say so in any of this? he asked. As much say so as I had when you were in the garage doing what you were doing. Here it is: I feel like you deceived me and betrayed my trust. If you would have just confided in me we could have worked through this together. I would have stood
firm, and supported whatever it took to get you through this part of your life. I would have waited for as long as it took to get you clean of this destructive behavior. I kept thinking that after we were married, one day I would come home and catch you in the act, or find you dead of an overdose. Either way it’s not a future that any woman should look forward to. So here’s my decision: First of all the engagement is off, without trust and communication there’s no future for us. The only way I would consider a life with you is if you commit to these things: first of all: no talk of marriage until you have regained my trust and restored my confidence in you. I want you to complete a substance abuse program for both our sake's, and get tested for at least the next two years; I want to see some financial stability, I need to know that I can trust you with our finances. And lastly, there wont be any physical contact between us until were married. I realize no relationship is perfect and every relationship will ultimately face some sort of difficulty or adversity, but I’m not willing to live with this. This stops here and now. I love you enough to work with you, but I’m strong enough to walk away if need be. The ball is now in your court, but the question is what will you do with it?
Tough love takes a lot of courage to face situations that may be potently destructive to a relationship. This is the type of love that looks beyond personal feelings to assist someone you love through adversity. Recognize that this decision may cause both parties to suffer in the beginning but well worth the outcome. Keep this in mind: Tough love is real love and real love sometimes has to be tough. Even the smallest problems can balloon out of control, if not properly dealt with. The smallest fire, if not extinguished in time can become a roaring blaze, and unattended problems have the same potential.
The letter time belongs to no one official Notification
Dear Mrs. Patricia Manning, it is with our deepest regrets to inform you that on April 10, 2009 your husband Paul N. Manning was fatally wounded while serving his country. Although details of his death are still under investigation and considered classified, we will make every attempt to provide you with any and all information that’s available pending the outcome of this investigation. His body has been shipped to an undisclosed location and will be released to you after an official autopsy has been performed. We apologize for the unimaginable heartache and grief this investigation will bring in the further delay, of laying your husband to rest, but it is necessary to complete this task. His personal effects will be sent to you within days of your receipt of this letter. Please find also attached with this official notification, a personal letter he was composing at the time of his death. Once again, we apologize for any delays and additional hardship this investigation may cause.
Sergeant James D. Mason
To my beautiful wife, Patricia:
I’m sorry it has taken so long to write you. We are never in one place for long and are constantly moving around. Patricia, I miss you so much. I am dealing with the war trying to adjust to the harsh conditions, but not seeing you, or hearing your voice is driving me crazy. I look at your picture every day; your smile has gotten me through some pretty rough times. I would give anything just to hear your voice right now. It’s hard to stay focused because I’m constantly thinking about you. Being away from you has made me realize how important our time together was, and how much I took for granted. People say you don’t really know what you have until its gone. It’s true because I had to go half a world away to realize what I had in you a loving caring woman with a gentle nature, your heart always seemed to be so open and so free. And the beautiful ways you always expressed your love for me, even as I write this letter, I feel a sense of unworthiness. What did I do to deserve someone like you? I think often about your warm embrace, your beautiful smile and every beautiful curve on your face. I can still see the small little notes that you would leave by my pillow in the morning that simply read:
I love you Paul. See you when you get home!
Patricia as soon as I get back home, I’m going to make up for every moment I should’ve spent with you. I knew how much you loved to go to the jazz concerts, but I made up all kinds of excuses to get out of going. I knew how much you loved for me to sit next to you in church, but I worked overtime just to avoid being there. Patricia a few days ago we were on patrol and there were 10 men in my group. We were all just sitting around and the guy next to me fell down shaking in a cold sweat. We called for medical help, but it was too late. I watched his eyes slowly close shut while his body gave no movement. Patricia I couldn’t believe it, he simply died right there in front of me. I sat there staring at his body, and that’s when it hit me; this man will never see his friends and family again. I started thinking about how fragile life is, and how his was gone in just a moment. When I think of all the wasted time arguing, fighting and all the silly disagreements, time is something that no one can control or afford to lose. Who can tell what tomorrow will bring? The only thing I want right now is to spend the rest of my life with you. My heart is filled with regret because of the time lost, but at the same time eager to make up for it. Our sergeant keeps saying, live every day like it’s your last, because one day you’ll be right! He’s an idiot, but he makes a real good point. When I finally get back home, you will never miss one jazz concert if I have something to say about it. I’ll be happy to escort you to and from church, and I’ll never ever leave your side. Take care of yourselves, until we see each other again.
Love always, Paul
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Bare Relationships is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the authors imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
ISBN 10: 0-9786817-9-7 ISBN 13: 978-0-9786817-9-1